AUTISM IN THE FAMILY

Autism can have many ramifications for families. Because sometimes normal children display the same behavior as autistic children, especially in the early years, parents find it difficult to distinguish between what is normal and what is not. Emotionally it helps to explain away the behavior by using such expressions as: "Oh, it's just the terrible twos" or, "He is just going through a phase" or, when he goes to nursery school, he will adjust and mature and will overcome the unacceptable behavior".
One of the most devastating experiences is when no one seems to understand and accept the child for who he is. This can be a detriment both to the parents and to the child. It may lead to anti-social tendencies in order to avoid explaining unusual behavior. Acceptance by others becomes extremely important, especially by family members and close friends. Sadly, sometimes there is a loss of friendships because of the lack of understanding of an autistic child. I have heard criticism voiced by individuals that "bad parenting" is the cause of the child's behavior. How hurtful is that?
I would like to use a personal experience to explain how family members can be affected by autism. In this case, the mother had gone back to work, and I had accepted the responsibility of caring for her children during the day. There were two siblings in the family; a girl six years old and her brother, a toddler. When searching for the cause of the inappropriate behavior, it was easy to blame it on the difference in their ages. They certainly had different interests, and there was a lot of conflict between the two. Toddlers require huge amounts of attention just to get through the day; and, this may at times create a bit of jealousy on the part of the older sibling which adds to the stress of the household. To relieve the tension during the day, my husband would spend one-on-one time with the toddler and I would spend time with the sister. This worked out quite well, as each child received some individual attention and we,then,would spend time with them both participating in the activities.
The toddler required constant supervision, as he was always doing something that was either destructive or dangerous. He could not be left alone to play for fear he would get into trouble. I remember one day that we decided to take a walk, which was a pleasant experience for all of us. He had a bicycle with training wheels and wanted to ride it along as we walked. We went out the side gate, and my husband was trying to keep the dog in the yard and let everyone else out. He helped the child on the bike and instructed him to wait there while he closed the gate. Now, as you may know, autistic children have a delay in registering instructions and then taking action. At times, it seems either they are not hearing you or are not paying attention. Before any of us could make a move to stop him, he went barreling down the hill on the bicycle toward our car parked at the curb and crashed into the side of the car. Fortunately he was not injured; however, he was really frightened and so were we. It made a lasting impression on all of us, especially him, as to this day he does not care much for riding bicycles!
His sister learned very quickly what emotional buttons to push in order to have him become frustrated and start crying. Sometimes it was quite a balancing act to care for both children (somewhat like juggling raw eggs). I looked forward to the time when mom and dad would be home from work to take over. Of course, this put a lot of stress and strain on mom and dad, as autism doesn't go away in the evenings.
The toddler turned two and we began looking forward to the first day of nursery school. We were persuaded that he would enjoy life more around children his age. After all, his sister had gone to this same nursery school and had a positive experience. We felt comfortable enough with the teacher and the surroundings to leave him in her care. Every morning he looked forward to spending four hours at school. He gave no signs to us of not fitting in. Everything seemed fine.

Until Next Time,
Meredith

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